Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
