someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
