We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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