I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
