Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
