dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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