scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
