fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
