I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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