hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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