Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
