I heard we made out
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
