she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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