either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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