If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
