I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
