I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The air was thick with penises
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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