I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
