why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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