I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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