and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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