ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
