Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
