he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
