cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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