Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
