You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
