The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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