There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
