she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
