So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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