id be glad to
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
