dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
farters have to be the big spoon...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
