what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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