i think i have two assholes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
