If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
