i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
