I understand why you refuse to be sober now
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
