It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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