oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
