Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
