i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
