my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
