all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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