did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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