I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
