someone owes me an orgasm
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
