Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
