He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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