It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
